I am in need of some advice please?

how my heart weary's me down. Lately I've been enranging myself to all those who do me wrong. I was tought to always forgive those who offend me, and those who do me wrong, and to always try to love others. Which is beautiful, BUT I have been betrayed, abondoned, lied to etc. I am no angel myself but lately I've been full of hate and anger. I have always had explosive anger which always took long to build up for I avoided it. But now it accompanies me. I feel it lurking in my soul day and night, and I am not at ease. i have never liked a counseling nor medications. For who could put a price on a person whose heart is ill. I have dealt with many things fine in my life but now I am on a tip of becoming someone else. Someone I feared to take control of my life.